In this Mocha series, we introduced the idea of seasons in your marriage. Just like there are seasons of the year and seasons in our lives, there are also seasons in marriage.
This Mocha series was inspired by some devotionals in Gary Chapman’s, The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional. I’ll be sharing some of his thoughts throughout this series, as well!
I admitted last time that I’m truly a summer time girl, but I have no problem embracing fall. It’s a very, very close second favorite season. Crisp evenings, sweaters and boots, colorful leaves, and all the warm cozy feelings I could want. I break out all my fall-scented candles, dream of the holidays, and sneak in a cup of hot chocolate or two.
There’s no doubt that fall is amazing. But as we search out the most gorgeous fall leaves for our engagement sessions, I remember that there’s death in the beauty. Leaves are dying – withering and preparing to fall away – as the tree braces itself for the coming winter.
Gary describes it best when he says, “(Marriage) may look good on the outside, but it’s actually falling apart.”
Fall is pretty, but it’s chilly. Things are slowly dying. Summer is obviously over, and suddenly the thought of next year’s summer feels really far away. Even in the brilliance of cozy hot chocolate, there’s a twinge of sadness.
“In a fall marriage”, quotes Gary, “you begin to feel sadness, apprehension, discouragement, fear, and eventually resentment. You have neglected your relationship and have drifted apart. There is growing concern, uncertainty, and a tendency to blame each other.”
These are the things to be watching for in any season of marriage. Like we mentioned before, these seasons don’t necessarily follow each other. You may go from spring to fall and skip over that warmth of summer. If you’re paying attention, it’s even possible to go from fall to spring without a winter in between!
So many of our Tuesday Mochas deal with working through the small, everyday issues that can lead to much deeper issues. What seems insignificant at the time can build a wall of resentment that’s incredibly difficult to break down.
Sometimes these things are the issues you ignore because you’d rather not deal with them. Gary’s description of this are the yellow jackets of summer. They hold a powerful sting, so you stay as far away as possible.
But those unresolved issues are dangerous, especially over time. Don’t leave things unresolved. You may have to agree to disagree, but still find a compromise for now you can both live with.
Fall is a time to reach out for help. We believe that any season is a good time to be mentored and read marriage books, but fall is critical. You’re on the verge of tipping into winter or spring. Winter is dark. You’d much rather hope for spring.
Communication is so important. Get to the root of your problems – and talk it out with a wise counselor if you can’t do it yourselves. There is no shame in asking for help.
I hope you enjoyed taking this little journey through the seasons of marriage! Whether you’re in winter, spring, summer, or fall right now, the change of season will be coming. No marriage is always summer or (I hope) always winter.
Do you have any thoughts on the seasons? Share them below!
Marriage is hard, but it’s worth fighting for. Build your marriage piece by piece, each and every day.
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