Tone Beats Words Every Time {Building Marriage} » Joel and Amber Photography Blog

Tone Beats Words Every Time {Building Marriage}

A Mocha For Your Tuesday

Apr 10, 2018

Marriage Tips //Building A Stronger Marriage // Huntsville Wedding Photographers

The more of these Mochas I write, the more thankful I am that Joel loves me anyway. It forces me take a real look at my part in our marriage – which is a good thing. Just not when I prefer to ignore it and look the other way.

Like the other night.

We had just come home from the evening service at church (of all times to get in a fight. right?). We pulled into the driveway, and I noticed (again) that our Christmas lights are still up. Not plugged in, of course, but…it’s April.

I got on Joel’s case about it, and didn’t really drop it until I realized he was pretty annoyed. Since I really didn’t feel like getting into a fight, I threw out an “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out that way.”

That’s very grown up of me, right?

But as soon as I said that, I noticed that my tone didn’t sound very contrite. Definitely not sorry. Joel’s silent response showed that he didn’t get the apology vibe, either.

Joel is quick to forgive, so we talked it out and moved on.

Tone beats words every time.

Words have a lot of meaning, but your tone means more. Just like actions speak louder than words, how you say something completely changes how your words will be taken.

Especially in those delicate moments where tension is high or you’re not feeling the warm fuzzies, don’t let your tone cancel out an attempt to make things right.

It’s a sneaky little thing.

Tone is one of those sneaky little things that is sooo hard to control. Honestly, I think it’s harder to control your tone than what you actually say.

It takes practice. It starts with recognizing the effects of your tone. It starts with apologizing for your tone the same way you need to apologize with your words.

And if you’re like me, sometimes knowing that I’ll need to apologize afterward is a little incentive for me to think twice about what I say – and how I say it.

The unplugged Christmas lights are still up, but that’s okay. Nobody’s perfect, right?

This week, pay attention to the tone of your voice. Controlling that is even harder than saying the “right” words when you’re totally not feeling it.

The impact, however, is huge. And as you daily fight for your marriage against all the little temptations that sneak in, these little things can make a difference.

Do you ever get in trouble with your tone of voice? If you’re willing to share how you worked to be more aware of how you use your tone of voice, we’d love to hear about it in the comments below!



Here are a few more Mochas I think you’re going to like:

I Feel Like I’m Doing All The Work. Why Aren’t You…?

Who’s Already There?

How I Stopped Getting Annoyed


  1. Patti Palmer says:

    Thanks! Sometimes I imagine it’s not just Mark & I in the room. What if the pastor were here? What if my dad were here? Why should I use a good tone only when others are around. Sometimes it helps. ;o)

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