The Dangers of Stress In Relationships

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We all experience stress in varying degrees, and we all handle it a little differently. I stumbled across a discussion about work/relational stress in an health.com article, and there were some important points on how we carry stress home to our spouses. It really made me think about bringing outside stress into our marriages.

Our spouses (hopefully) become a safe place for us to be ourselves. I tell Joel more about my thoughts and feelings than I would anyone else. Unfortunately, that also means that I do a lot of venting when I’m stressed or upset. As good of a listener as Joel is, I am confident that it brings an element of uneasiness to our relationship. He’s somewhat helpless to fix it because there’s not usually a black and white answer. And if there is, I, in true female form, probably don’t want to hear it.

Instead of solving anything, excessive venting makes your spouse just feel uncomfortable. I usually feel better after spilling all my stress out to Joel, but at what cost?

Sharing our feelings, struggles, disappointments, and hopes is important for any relationship. Is there a time when we need to temper what we say? I think there is. There’s a point where it stops being productive and starts bringing frustration to the relationship.

What might that point look like? Excessive stress and venting without looking for a solution, being snappish and unkind, and refusing to let it go and move on are all ways your “sharing” could actually damage your relationship. So does using your stress as an excuse to be unkind or selfish. How many times have I caught myself treating Joel poorly and excusing myself by saying “I’m just really stressed”?

What, then, are we to do?

I’m not going to lie – handling my stress is a challenge for me. I speak from experience in many of these words!

Sharing our frustrations with our spouse can be healthy when done in the right manner. Learn to share your feelings, acknowledge that there might not be an immediate solution, and let it go. Don’t drag your relationship down by going over it again and again. Acknowledge that you feel snappish and short-tempered, then be intentional about not taking it out on your spouse.

Dealing with stress is a challenge for so many of us, but it doesn’t excuse how we handle it. If your spouse seems to shut down a little bit or look defeated when you start to vent, it might be a sign that you need to step back and take a look at your actions.

It’s not easy, but it’s worth your relationship!

*hugs*
Amber

Looking for more thoughts on building a stronger marriage? Learn why you shouldn’t Pull The Veto Card here.